Wedding Day (from 24 Jun 2004)

Elizabeth looked at her reflection in the mirror. Even she had to admit that she was incredibly beautiful today, and it wasn’t just the hair and the professional make-up. She was beautiful because of the man in the room on the other side of the church. She was beautiful because of the way he looked at her, stared at her, lost  himself in her eyes. She smiled knowing how he would look this evening in his tuxedo, that suit he had picked out several years ago at Lenox- the mandarin collar and the black and silver button cover, or would he dare wear that skull cover he got from Alchemy Gothic? No, he would not. And he would be gorgeous, his ponytail pulled back tight, hanging behind him, swaying slightly as he breathed. So she looked at herself again, knowing she had to be as perfect for him as he was going to be for her.

She was dressed in white- it was his decision; he wanted her in white, as pure as he knew she was. She often smirked at that remark, still knowing her past so much better than he did. But she was such a much better person since she began to see herself through his eyes, she even felt the purity he saw in her. It was appropriate, almost necessary. The white dress was light and breathed well. A good thing, too. It was scorchingly hot outside. But, south Georgia was always hot in late July. Inside, the air conditioner was trying hard to keep up with the heat, and doing a fairly good job. The timing was also his idea, though. Early evening, 20 July, a day midway between their birthdays, set in the evening to give the wedding guests the chance to run to the beach in the morning and early afternoon- what good was coming to the island if you didn't get a chance to get to the beach? And that was just like him, thinking of others even as he helped plan something as selfish as his own wedding.

God, she loved him. She looked down the chiffon sleeve, down her arm to her hand, to the ring on her finger. Again, another personal design of his. The square-cut diamond was set low, the way she liked it, and was surrounded on the four sides by their four birthstones, his, hers, and those of her two children. The platinum of the ring shone brightly white in the light and she was glad that she had changed her preference to plaitinum from gold before she had met him again. The clarity of the platinum paired nicely with the white of her gown, even the white of the baby’s breath among the roses. And the roses! Dozens of them! One dozen for each year he had been in love with her, even those years when they had been apart due to circumstances of prior relationships. Red roses in abundance, but other colors interspersed, amazingly well-coordinated. Although he had planned them, she had been there to have them arranged. Some things were meant to have a woman’s touch, and the wedding flowers were some of those.

Her bridesmaids were behind her, dressing, getting make-up settled and preparing to look as beautiful as they could. She was so happy to have them here, not because she needed the support- her resolve and calm in her decision had been evident for the past six months, if you did not count those months they had dated prior to that time. She was happy to have them here because they were her friends and had accepted him as their friend. They liked him. And she liked his groomsmen. An important thing for each to like the other’s friends, to be able to get along with the people the other likes.

At that moment, her reverie was interrupted by the approach of a young man in a summer suit, pulling on the knot of his tie restlessly.

“Mommy? Can we go back to the beach?”

She smiled broadly and took Johnny in her arms.

“No, dear. Not yet. Do you have the rings?”

He smiled broadly and nodded briskly and excitedly. He put his hand in the pocket of his jacket and pulled the two platinum bands from its shallow depths.

“He told me if I lost them, he’d send the boogie man after me. Can he really do that?”

Elizabeth laughed.

“Maybe he is the boogie man!”

The boy smiled.

“No, he’s not! He’s nice!”

“How do you know he’s not the boogie man?”

“You wouldn’t marry the boogie man, Mommy.”

The answer was simple and truthful and she wondered how long she would be able to wait before telling him and his sister about her first husband, their father. But now was not the time to think of such things. She looked in the mirror to see her sister approaching.

“Time for the veil, Sis. You look incredible!”

“I do?”

“You know it, too. I am so happy for you... for finding him again, for keeping him.”

“I’m not so certain I had a lot of choice in the matter. Then again,I’m not so certain I wanted a choice. I do love him so very much.”

They hugged and she brought the veil down over her face, hiding the angelic visage behind the fine mesh.

“You’re pretty, Mommy!”

“Thank you, son. Now, get up front and spend some time with him. He’ll need you to walk with him to the altar, to keep him from falling down.”

She kissed her son on the forehead as he turned to go, smiling broadly, running excitedly back to the front of the church.

She turned to her bridesmaids.

“Let’s go. I want to get this over with so I can get out of this dress.”

“And get him out of that tux?”

“Sis, you are so bad!”

All the girls laughed. No girlish giggling here. All of them knew how much she loved that man, had loved him for so long. They had heard the stories hundreds of times. They were glad the happy ending had finally come.

At the other side of the church, Ron came up to me slowly, smiling broadly. He looked quite handsome in his tuxedo, Irish red hair carefully combed, two glasses in his hand, both of them filled with Booker Noe on ice.

“Nervous?”

Ron always had a way of getting to the point. Sometimes the wrong point, but that’s why he was my best man- he could get to the point. Eventually. He handed one glass to me and I took it almost guiltily. I swallowed nearly all of the drink in one swallow. The alcohol felt good in my throat.

“No. Not nervous, and you know that. How often have we talked about this? For how many years?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Better finish that drink before the Rev comes in here. He might not appreciate good bourbon the way I do.”

Ron nodded and looked around pensively.

“Where’s Ash?”

“Ash’ll be here- had to get the tux.”

Trae was shocked momentarily. “Ash is wearing a tux?”

I smiled. It was a stretch. None of us had ever seen Ash in a suit.

“Yes. A tux. Same as ours.”

Brannon’s eyes lit up. “Are the twins going to fit?”

I laughed. “I hope so. I would hate for Keith to get angry at me at my wedding.”

Ron smiled and stepped out into the courtyard to smoke another cigarette. He didn't want to admit that he was more nervous than I was. That was OK, though. He was here. Brannon and Trae were here, too, my two “sons” if I’d had any. They looked sharp in their tuxedos. All of us did. Four James Bonds geared up for an evening of baccarat and daring do! Of course, this particular daring do was a series of “I dos” that had been a long time coming.

I put the button cover on the exposed top button between the two collars of the mandarin jacket.

“What do you think, Ron?”

Ron stuck his head back in and Brannon and Trae turned to look. The two of them laughed; Ron almost choked.

“You are not wearing that! I have the strictest instructions from Elizabeth...”

I smiled and removed the skull and replaced it with the more subtle but still incredibly meaningful eight-arrowed silver-and-onyx button cover.

“Better?”

“Much better. Most guests won’t even know what it is.”

“Thanks. Yeah, I know. Not sure any of them will recognize it.”

Ash walked in, the tux looking fantastic. I went in for a hug.

“You look great, Ashlyn. I see the twins fit.” The running joke of naming her breast implants “the twins” had gone on for years. I think she started it, too.

“Thanks, hun. You don’t look so bad yourself for the perfect man who is going to get married to his perfect woman in 15 minutes or so.”

“Eh. I am almost perfect.”

“You are perfect, and you know it. How many times have you been told that by how many people? Including me?”

“All right. I’ll buy into it for now. But just for now. I reserve the right to go back on it after the reception.”

Ron, Ash, and I laughed together. Trae and Brannon came over to stand with us for a few more minutes. They spent quite a bit of time congratulating me on all the details. I kept denying all of them, describing in detail how Elizabeth had had final word and changed a lot- all for the better. But then, she was Elizabeth. She knew what she was doing when it came to weddings, especially her own.

God, she was so beautiful. I paused, thinking of her, and the conversation around me disappeared. Not just faded, but, for me, ended instantly and I heard her voice in my ear, repeating last night those words she had said so many years before and so many times since, “How do you bewitch me so?” I smiled.

“Because you want me to; because you have always wanted me to.”

“What?”

I looked up to see the four of them looking at me oddly. I had spoken out loud.

“You were talking to her again, weren’t you?” Ron and Ash spoke together and looked at each other. They always knew, and they laughed. They had spoken to me numerous times, trying to convince me that it was some kind of telepathy, but I could never get Elizabeth to admit to it.

“Yep.”

Ron looked at one of his watches. “Well, you better hurry... it’s that time.”

Together, all five of us came together in the center of the Sunday school classroom, shirts and pants strewn here and there, formal wear bags thrown over seat backs. We hugged shoulders and swayed in what would have appeared to others as a drunken stupor, but to us was a sign of our friendship. As we broke, Johnny ran in, running into my legs and beating playfully against me.”

“You ready, sport?”

“Yep! Mommy looks really pretty, too!”

“You still have the rings?”

He took a step backward, a big step for him. “Are you the boogie man?”

“No, I am not the boogie man.”

He smiled and came back to me, hugging my leg then looking up to me. “I have the rings.”

We all smiled and I leaned over to pick Johnny up to carry him to the doorway into the sanctuary. We met the preachers there- all three of them: Reverend Jackson who was helping to give the bride away, Elizabeth’s father, Reverend Jim, and my father, Bill. All three of them gaped at Ash in her tux, but then relaxed, knowing that Elizabeth and I had approved and that, therefore, it must be good. We all exchanged congratulatory compliments on how good we all looked. Both Jim and Bill were smiling. I was glad to see them getting along. Reverend Jackson was there to take Jim’s place on the altar until Jim and his wife could give Elizabeth away. It was all much less complicated than it sounds.

The organ began to play our cue. Reverend Jackson went in first, followed by Jim, then Bill, then Brannon, Trae, Ron, Ash, and then me with Johnny on my shoulder. That was the way he had wanted it. He was all smiles as we walked in, laughing as I bounced him once before turning the corner to the altar. His grandmother in the front row was shocked at first, but I saw her smile back and, wonder! she winked at me and nodded her approval, even as she held Elizabeth’s young daughter, Courtnay. I smiled back and knelt down to put Johhny on the floor as I ascended the steps to stand next to Ron. Jim walked to the pew and sat next to his wife. They both looked wonderful. My  mother sat in the pew opposite, her mother and aunt with her. My sister was there, too, sitting nervously, turning back to look at the doors to the back, waiting for her daughter to come through, leading Elizabeth’s party.

Looking down the aisle, I couldn't help but be amazed at the mix of people, most of whom both of us knew. To be honest, there was no division between bride’s side and groom’s side. We were having a wedding, not a family feud. We were all friends, or friends of friends. But the doors were closed at the end in preparation for the Trumpet Voluntary. And after those opening refrains, the doors would open and she would be there, a vision of Heaven, closer to Heaven than I certainly deserved.

And it happened just like that. The first peals of trumpet signaled the opening of the doors and there she was, face hidden behind that veil, the dress holding onto her as much as she held onto the bouquet. First in was my niece, “Squidley,” throwing rose petals across the aisle, stopping to stand at the first step, looking first at her mother, my sister, then me. I smiled and mouthed a thank you to her and she smiled back, a big, wide smile, showing her missing tooth where one of the boys from school had socked her during a soccer game earlier that week. It made me laugh and shake my head. Then came the bridesmaids, one by one, her sister last of the three. And then Elizabeth, proud, perfect in her dress, perfect for me.  She walked slowly, but not painfully so, down the aisle, not that Frankenstein walk that is all too common in traditional weddings, her eyes bright even beneath the veil. She was so wonderfully beautiful! I worked hard to keep my mouth from dropping open- it would not be good to have pictures of the groom drooling among the film and digital images. She walked along, stepping on the petals, but not crushing them. She smiled to both sides of the room, happy to see friends and relatives, most of whom were still radiating from their afternoon at the beach.

As she approached the front pew, her mother passed Courtnay to Elizabeth’s other sister and she and Reverend Jim stood and walked with her to the altar. Reverend Jackson and my father looked at them then to Elizabeth, then to me. I turned a quarter turn to face her.

“Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family,” Reverend Jackson began, “we are gathered here today to witness the joining together of Howard and Elizabeth in the bonds of holy matrimony. Who is giving away the bride?”

Reverend Jim and Elizabeth’s mother both smiled. Their eyes glistened as they spoke together, “We do.”

Reverend Jackson then came forward to return Elizabeth’s mother to the front pew. Jim took Elizabeth’s hands and held them; my father took mine. My father’s hands are huge compared to mine and I felt small again, childlike. He gripped them steadily and waited. Jim took Elizabeth’s right hand and held it to me. Bill took my left hand and moved it to Elizabeth’s right. I grasped her fingers and both fathers smiled proudly. I could feel her shaking. I know she felt me doing the same, but my pulse was strong, and my fingers closed on hers, offering support even as they drew the same from her.

Reverend Jackson came forward from his seat with Barbara to stand next to Elizabeth; Ash moved from her position next to Brannon to come stand beside me. It was funny to see both of them so close in their tuxedoes, but Elizabeth and I both smiled. Reverend Jackson began his advocasy.

“Howard, and his dear friends who have gathered here, I do not have much to say, but what I say is honest and truly spoken from the heart. Over the last few months, as Elizabeth prepared for this day, in our discussions together, she has been able to talk about nothing else but you and her unbelieveable providence to have you standing beside her now, and she speaks even more about the forever parts. Your love is something she has always treasured and hoped to share. When the two of you met again after that time apart, her feelings for you, and herself and her friends and family, grew. She became more Elizabeth, more pure in her feelings and hopes and dreams. She became hopeful again, for the first time in a long time. She became truly happy. Howard, thank you- from her to me to you.”

“Thank you, Reverend.” I spoke slowly, wanting to hide the onrush of emotion that I felt so that I would not cry openly in front of these people before Ash had spoken.

Ash reached up and squeezed my shoulder as she stuck her head around mine to look at Elizabeth. Ash’s hair, which had grown so long since she moved to Delaware, swung freely, loose, and it was good to see her smiling as she spoke.

“Elizabeth, I have held my tongue for a really long time. You are now going to hear about every moment I had to endure around Howard after he spoke to you or saw you or had a letter or e-mail from you. It was a delight each time to see my friend smiling in a state of passionate delirium, lost in a misty euphoria that always made him giddy. He told me once about how you held his soul, and it was clear and obvious everytime he had made contact with his soul once again. You complete him, more than any of us could do, more than all of us could do. How many times have I heard, “Did I tell you Elizabeth called today?” So many times... in the same evening! How many songs have I heard him sing and watched him think of you as he stood there in the light? Something neither you nor the rest of us need confirmation of- Howard loves you more fully, more wonderfully than I have ever known any man to love a woman. And that is saying a lot.”

With that, Ash turned to Kieth sitting with my family and smiled.

“I love you, Keith.”

Keith blushed and waved back to Ash. “I love you, too, dear.”

Ash bounced once in giddy joy, then leaned in to kiss me briefly on the cheek. She turned back to Elizabeth and smiled again.

“OK, Elizabeth. Now you get to keep him.”

Both Reverend Jackson and Ash moved backward to their positions at the head of the steps. Jim came forward again and began to be a little more traditional.

Jim began “Marriage is more than just the bringing together of two people, more than just the love between them, for, woven into the fabric of this ceremony is the Holy Spirit of the One God, and it is through Him that the three of them, God the Father, husband and wife, live out the remaining days bound together. For the man will leave his parents and cleave to his wife. And the wife will cleave to her husband and together they will worship. Now, Howard,” he turned to me and for a moment, I saw his face grow stern, then he flashed that smile of his and I knew all was well. “Do you promise to look after my daughter, to love her and cherish her and honor her, through sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, despite age and hardship, till Death do the two of you part?”

“I do, sir.”

“Do you promise to care for her children, my grandchildren, to keep them safe, to hold them precious to you as if they were your own?”

“I do, sir.”

“And do you promise to bring her home safely when you travel together and promise to bring yourself home safely when you are apart?”

“I do.”

He looked into my eyes, smiled, and nodded.

My father turned to Elizabeth and looked at her. I think there were tears in his eyes, though I’ve never been completely sure.

“Elizabeth, do you promise to take care of my son, to love him and honor him and cherish him in your thoughts and soul, through sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, even when he gets old and mean-spirited, till Death do the two of you part?”

“I do, sir.”

“And do you promise to keep him from overworking and burning out too quickly?”

She smiled. “I do, sir.”

“OK.”

Bill smiled and looked back to Jim who turned and looked for his grandson.

“Johnny, may I have the rings?”

He came up to his grandfather quite solemnly and I had to kick his heels to get him to smile, but he did. He reached into his pocket and pulled the two rings and held them out for Jim. Jim took them and smiled at the boy. My dad leaned over and patted him on the head and then stood again.  Then Johnny did something unexpected. He looked up to his grandfather and whispered something. Jim had to go lower to let him whisper again, then laughed.

“My grandson has just asked me to tell everyone that Howard is not the boogie man.”

Everyone chuckled. Johnny stood there for a moment, then ran to Ron who lifted him up so he could see his mother.

Jim continued. He did not talk to the audience now, as some preachers might, but he spoke to us, certainly loudly and clearly enough for the gathered many to hear, but it was to us.

“The ring is an outward and visible sign of the promises that the two of you will make to each other tonight, witnessed by these gathered here and by God watching from his seat above. It is a circle, perfect in unity and oneness, forged of purest metal, never tarnishing, never growing old, polished and new forever, like the love between the two of you. Wear these rings, not for yourselves, but to show others what love should be, and what it can be, and what it is between the two of you.”

He held the rings up, reading the inscription from inside each- “From my  heart to yours, from Howard’s soul to Elizabeth’s,” and “From my heart to yours, from Elizabeth’s soul to Howard’s.”

“The exchange of these rings is the exchange of lives and hearts and souls and minds, each to the other. If there be anyone here who feels these two should not be wed, now is the time to speak, or forever hold your peace.”

He paused. The pause was the most frightening. I thought maybe someone had stood up, or that maybe he would not continue. It lasted forever, and I felt Elizabeth’s hand trembling in mine, feeling the same. I saw Ash from the corner of my eye glaring at the people, daring someone to speak up. Then Jim turned back to us. And I interupted.

“Reverend, Bill. There are people missing from this marriage. I need for them to be here.”

Elizabeth turned to me, almost in shock. Nothing should have gone wrong now. But I knew what I was doing, and this was not wrong.

I turned to face the gathering of friends and family, still holding onto Elizabeth’s hand.

“This marriage is more than just Elizabeth and me. There is a third entity with us, represented here by The Reverend and my father, but also in the hearts and beliefs of most of us gathered here. There is a deity with us, a part of this union that makes the whole so much larger than the sum of its parts. But there is even more than that. As I marry Elizabeth, I also marry her family, becoming a part of something even larger than what the two of us have together. I need for your mother to join your father, Elizabeth, here. And my mother, too, needs to join my dad. And we need your daughter here, too; please bring her, Barbara.”

People were not shocked, though they wondered what I was doing. Elizabeth was following my thoughts, though I could not tell what hers were, her eyes hidden behind that veil. I continued, looking at my parents.

“Mom. Dad. You know what I feel for this woman, what I have felt for her since falling in love with her in Eighth Grade. You know the beatings of my heart almost as well as I do. As my family, soon to be entwined with hers, you must accept this union as much, even moreso, perhaps, than I do. I know you’ve not much choice in the matter- if you choose not to, she and I will still marry, but your blessing and participation here proves there is so much more at work here than just the love of the two of us.”

I looked at Elizabeth and saw her eyes sparkling as water spread across them She squeezed my hand and turned to Ron, signalling for Johnny to join her mother. Ron put the boy down and pushed him to her. He ran, almost unsteadily, but gaining momentum on the way the way children do when they get excited. I was shocked when he stopped at me and hugged my leg.

“Are you married yet?”

I laughed. So did most of us there in front of this church.

“Not yet. I need you to stand with your grandmother for a little. Will you?”

“Yeah.”

So he walked solemnly to his grandmother and took her free hand while her other arm was full of Courtnay. I turned to them as Jim joined his wife, now understanding my thoughts and wishes for this marriage between, not just two individuals, but two whole families. I started, but Elizabeth interupteed me.

“Mama, Daddy. I’m not giving you a choice, either. You know what I feel for this wonderful, lovely man. He has been at my side, despite various distances, for nearly three decades, ready to celebrate my victories, ready to console me in my defeats. It took a long time for me to realize this, but you know how true my feelings for him are. I ask that you accept him and his family into ours.”

Her mother was crying. I had always known her to be feeling and emotional. She smiled. Jim smiled. That meant the world to me. Together both sets of parents looked up at each other and, as if on cue, despite no rehersal or prior knowledge, they all four nodded and said, “We do.”

I knelt down to Johnny.

“OK, Johnny, now it’s your turn. I am about to marry your mother, and then I will be your father. And your sister’s father. I’ll be there to hold you, to pick you up and lift you into the sky, to give you helicopter and airplane rides...”

He giggled. He always enjoyed being spun off the ground in those slow circles I made, or being lifted off the ground, his stomach on my feet as Ilay on the ground, lifting him into the sky, his arms spread wide, flying.

“Do you think you and your sister will want to have me around that much?”

“It’ll be fun!”

And then he did it. He jumped at me, hugged my neck and said, “I love you, Howard. Marry my mom.”

The people in the church had to laugh at that, and I don’t think there were any dry eyes. I looked up to Elizabeth as she smiled. I looked up to Jim and Barbara as they smiled and my parents as they smiled.

“OK.” I stood up and resumed my stance next to Elizabeth. “Let’s do this. Bill? Jim? We now return to our regularly scheduled wedding.”

Jim looked at my dad and they returned to center. Jim took another look at one of the rings to make sure he had the correct one to give to me.

“Howard, take this ring and repeat after me. Elizabeth, with this ring, I marry you. It is a symbol of my love and devotion to you which I give freely and willingly. Please accept it.”

She breathed, a sigh of contentment I knew well.

“I accept your ring, Howard, and will wear it always.”

I then placed the ring on her finger and released her hand so she might do the same for me.

My father took the ring from Jim and gave it to Elizabeth.

“Elizabeth, please take this ring and repeat after me. Howard, with this ring, I marry you. It is a symbol of my love and devotion to you which I give freely and willingly. Please accept it.”

I smiled to her as she spoke and responded, “I accept your ring, Elizabeth, and will wear it always.”

I then knelt on one knee, allowing her to put the ring on my finger, then held her hand and kissed her ring, keeping her fingers to my lips momentarily before standing, but not releasing.

Jim turned to my father and shook his hand, “Thank you, Bill.” He then turned to us.

“Howard and Elizabeth, you are married. Howard, you may kiss the bride.”

I did. I lifted the veil to see her fully for the first time that day. I looked into her eyes first- a mistake, as those pools always captured me, always held me. I did not get to see anything else. We kissed. And it was endless, eternal, a moment forever frozen, mostly because of the hundreds of film and digital cameras flashing at that moment, but also because it was this kiss that we had practiced so many years before, so many times, and so wonderfully often, flavored first with wine cooler, then White Zinfindel, then Chateu St. Michel reisling, then chardonay, then sweet iced tea all those many times, different flavors, but the same kiss, the same love, the same brilliance. For us, it was an eternity, and it was blissfully wonderful. For everyone else, it was but a moment. We broke the kiss and looked into each other’s eyes. We mouthed the words together, “I love you.”

Jim and Bill turned to the gathering and said in unison:

“Friends! May we present Howard and Elizabeth, husband and wife!”

The grandmothers, mine and Elizabeth’s, in the front row were both in tears. My sister, Squidley running to stand at her side, smiled and gave me the thumbs-up, typical of her. And Elizabeth and I came down the aisle together first, leading the procession out the doors, and I took her in my arms again once beyond the threshold of the church, kissing her in front of God and everybody outside, the drivers of the cars smiling as they drove past us, though they did not know us, the seagulls wheeling above seeming to caw their approval, and the rest of the wedding party joining in a circle around us to keep the remainder of our embrace private, the playful tease of fingers playfully entwining, the press of lips on lips and bodies together.

The reception would last till the wee hours. We woud dance our dance, slow and carefully practiced, each movement choreographed over the last month during dance class. The lights would be turned down, the mirrored ball above us the only source of illumination, hit by two spots, blue and white, causing spinning stars to splash across the floor and walls. Neither of us would notice. Stars were always as close as each other’s eyes- those artificial dots, spinning around us as our heads spun, would be only poor imitations. We would kiss thorughout the dance, hidden by the darkness and the movements of the music. And we would reconfirm our love over and over, as we had done over and over.

Then the floor would be opened up, the lights turned on, and the music changing between beach and rock and classical. I was pretty certain we would not last the entire night. We would be gone before midnight to our leased yacht for the first night before flying to England for the first stage of our honeymoon.

It was going to be a wonderful life!