Spin on Pins

I will hold you close to me as we sleep. My arm will be under you as your hand rests on my chest. I will smile in my sleep as your fingernails scratch lightly across my skin, the hair on my chest catching under them, tickling. But we'll sleep.

And we will dream together. I'm sure that some of our dreams will be shared, and we will create in those our perfect world. Outside of those shared dreams, we will live our separate dream lives, but when you need me, you will call, and I will always enter.

I will hold you.

I Can't

I can't tell you how much I love you, how often I think about you, how many times a night I dream of you.

I can't tell you the number of wine bottles I've emptied, or the wheels of camembert and brie I've eaten while writing about you.

I can't tell you the  miles I've driven on interstates I can't remember because all the time I was focused on you.

I can't tell you the plans I made, the vacations I've planned, the dates I've imagined, and the bathing suits I've seen.

I can't tell you everything, but I can wish I could.

You Showed Me Yours

I don't know where it is, but there is a cove somewhere, hidden from view by the lush tropical vegetation and cooled by the breeze off the ocean. The sounds of the birds and the surf offer an interesting symphony in audio as the sun and clouds provide the visuals- white and blue and light.

On the white sands, on a blanket laid out ten feet from the lapping waves, the sun reflects off your hair and slowly beats against your skin, causing small beads of sweat to form and roll off. You smile at the sky, your eyes closed, not caring if the sky smiles back, because you know I will.

I envy that sun and those beads of sweat, touching your skin, holding onto you.

You stand, glorious in the sun, and walk toward the surf. It laps at your feet, wanting to touch, to caress, to cover, to taste. You walk in, the slope in tot he water steep enough to allow the crests of the waves to reach your hips only fifteen feet out, but then it levels. You lean backwards, getting your hair wet, then toss your hair left and right as you stand erect.  You turn to look at me, still on the beach, and wave. You laugh. It is the happiest laugh I've ever heard from you, and it makes me shiver, even in the sun, to know that it is your elation being with me that allows you laugh like that.

You dive into the water, holding your breath, sliding through the tide like a creature born to it, with a grace I can only write about in my dreams. You surface, maybe twenty feet away, breathing in the air.

I will join you there, in the water, holding you, kissing you, joining with you as the waves wash over us, our embrace and kiss continuing under the water, each of us providing air for the other in a kiss that lasts forever, like all of them do.

No Way to Say

There is no way to tell you everything. Even if I spent the next 47 years of my life, I could never do it- I would have to cover the last 47 years while living the next. It can't be done. I guess, "I love you," works, but I find it insufficient and overused by commercial marketers. I will have to spend every moment with you making sure you know, and every moment we are apart reminding you of the past and how all of that compounds into the future.

I'm too logical about it, too calculating. It's not a matter of how much I've missed, but how much we have- it amazes me every time I get to look into your eyes, and you look back into mine. {perhaps I am the abyss, and it is I that look back at you when you look at me, but I don't think so. If I get lost in your eyes, or you in mine, it's not due to any darkness we harbor, but the brilliance of the beach skies in your eyes, and the night stars in mine. You see, even in our skies, we compliment each other.

I've wandered again.

Everything. All the time.